im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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