theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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