When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
