If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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