On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
