after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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