tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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