I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
