i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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