yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
