help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
