omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
