peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
