I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
