How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
