im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
