Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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