come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
