Already got asked if we're dating
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
