You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
