i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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