Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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