So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
