sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
