he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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