It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
