it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
