In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
