I cannot find my penis.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
