it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize