mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
