Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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