At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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