Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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