Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
