She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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