They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
