I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
