Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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