Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
