she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
