no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize