Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
