Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
