I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
