I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
