Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my vagina is haunted
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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