we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
