Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
