I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
