There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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