wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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