i just google imaged poop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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