I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
