so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
