Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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