Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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