It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
