Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
