Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
