We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
