Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
