So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
