Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
