His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
