it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
