Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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