I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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