My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
