dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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