Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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