The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
