why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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