You can't motorboat a personality
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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