Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
