Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
