He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
