when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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