My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize