Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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