whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
