Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
