my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize