Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
