She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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