He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
