Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
