Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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